Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
