i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
