if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
We smell like vodka and hangover
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