I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
