We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
