Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
