i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Boobs speak an international language.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
