what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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