It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
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