I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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