That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
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