Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I've blown a few things in my day
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
