i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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