I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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