He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize