I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize