suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
