you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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