If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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