it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
