Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize