For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
