He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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