i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
