i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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