I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
