Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
