4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
