We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
