dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
