That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
