You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
she woke up with a sticky ear
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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