Nicole vs. Life
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
birth control should be required to get into college
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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