actually, I'm a sock model
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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