No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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