Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
