I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize