Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
