If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
