Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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