doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
pop tarts are not kleenex
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
