drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
