we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It's official drugs can't kill me
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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