Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i will never coherently bang her
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
