Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize