If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
