do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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