I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Welp...herpes.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
