I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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