No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
