Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
