don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
