I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Randomize
