i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
