Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
