I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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