Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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