He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
