Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
