Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
