my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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