If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
