Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
