I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
